Lauren. Nineteen. Writer. Survivor. Bisexual. I am learning everyday. These are just a few notes I've taken along the way.
if you’re starting to notice the beams of your heart
are creaking like branches breaking off trees, it’s
already too late. you’ve already placed too much faith
in the unreliable and i’d be lying to you if i said
it wasn’t a mistake we all make. but what’s important is
what comes next, how you…
my feelings for you are venomous
my guts are doing pirouettes
impaled with excitement
i find these butterflies nauseatingi was determined
resolute
& unwavering
now i am a dropout
of my own declarationsmy devotion to not love you
and the impossibility not to
will be cast in stone
then incased in glass
binded by red velvet rope
and commemorated
as an aggregate collection
of everything wrong with
first loves.
he was my go to guy. my secret stash, whiskey in a flask, emergency smoke kind of boy. when he’d wave a cigarette between his lips, tempting me, i’d tell him i quit.
“so?”
and just like that, with that one cent comment he’d swat away my resistance. while lighting my smoke he’d say,
…
Something about the way he doesn’t give a shit makes me want to nudge my head under his hand like a kitten. Something about how he feigns indifference makes me want to get a rise out of him, even if it’s only in his slacks. (especially in his slacks) I want to disobey his orders because I want…
The “I am not here anymore.” broke my heart.from left to right;
I am afraid to hold my boyfriend’s hand.
My friend’s parents sent her away.
I found death threats in my locker.
I submitted to electroshock therapy.
I lost half my friends after coming out.
My grandmother sends me hate mail.
My school won’t let me take my date to prom.
I am not here anymore.
My dad tried to beat it out of me.
No one is proud of me.
This showed up on my blog again. Forever reblog.
(via my-life-in-shambles)
Kicked Out
So my the 9th, 8th and 7th floor of my building flooded, and I am on the 8th floor, so I was relocated. I’m at a dorm near my old one, and they’ve allowed me to get my stuff (which wasn’t damaged), but it still sucks. I think I may just cry in Tim’s arms tonight. :’(
“Home is where the heart is” really applies right now… A lot of us were relocated, but most of my friends were not. Now I am going to need to be signed in to see my friends…
On the bright side, I was one of few who were relocated to a suite, so my boyfriend (who was reassigned into a bad dorm with 3 roommates) gets to come stay with me. Also, Meggy (my twin who is abroad) comes home Saturday night! Yay!
